The Male & Oppositional Gaze - How it influences us everyday...

As simple as it is for some to understand, the concept of the male gaze has become a theory that is very common in today's societal thinking.  It is something that it is embedded in us without it having to be said or taught.  The male gaze is simply this, we base our appearances (physical, mental and emotional) on the notion of how they, men, see us, or rather want to see us.  We act how they want us to and look how they want us to appear. The male gaze is basically how it sounds, the vision of man for women is what we should follow.  We convince ourselves to act in a way that is best suited for their needs and not our (women) own.  Even if we scream from the mountain tops, 'I am woman, hear me roar!', there's a small voice in the back of everyone's head telling us: "She's doing this for attention, she just wants everyone to look at her," even if its just to show the world who we are.

Nelly's Tip Drill Video

The male gaze has a very strong influence in the media and pop culture. Everything that is seen or done is to perpetuate the male gaze. Women in media parading nakedly, shaking their back sides, or wearing sexy clothing is all done to satisfy and fulfill the male gaze, no matter how comfortable a woman feels in her skin, if it is seen it is for show.  The male gaze theory is an unfortunate way of thinking. It forces us into roles that we do not accept, but we do just to be accepted and left alone.  If I'm too strong, I am a bitch, if I'm too soft then, I am emotional, a typical woman thing, or so they say. The minute any woman has thoughts that may resemble that of a man, we are told to get back into our places, wherever that is.  We have lived in a male dominated world for so long that it's hard to accept a women stepping out of the usual 'role'.  Women are making plenty of strides to finally become equal to men but even with that, some sort of patriarchy takes its place and tries to stick us in that role: the role of being less than a man, that role of doing as they say, the role of being here to satisfy every waking moment for them.  There is no mystery that we are placed in a less than worthy position in all areas of the world. There's no denying that men earn more than women in the same job positions, even if she is more qualified. There's no logical reason behind the fact that women are asked "How do you keep so thin?" as apposed to a man who gets asked "What did you do to become more talented?". Its as simple as 1,2,3, women are used for physical reasoning, while men are adored for their minds and achievements, even if they tend to show that they do not think with the correct head.

Cartoon about women and worrying about their size

I am no stranger to the male gaze, because like every other woman in the world, I have used it for my own benefits.  When I worked in a male dominated company about 2 years ago, I was constantly admired by the men who worked there. Since I was the only woman in the place on weekends it was easy for the men to succumb to their "Natural" ways.  The better I dressed (more make up, heels, tighter pants) the more attention I received.  In reality, I was dressing for my own benefit, because I felt good and looked even better, which made my mood brighten. I loved how I felt and looked when I dressed up, I did it for me. I'm pretty sure they believed it was for them and occasionally for my benefit it was. By dressing up, I got what I wanted. If I wanted coffee or food they did not mind getting it for me. That's when my eyes were opened up to this whole notion that men see us as physical beings. If they like what they see, they will react accordingly.  I was disgusted, yet mildly satisfied, I mean I got what I wanted, but I didn't like the manner in which I was getting these things.  I would have preferred to be liked for my amazing personality rather than my 4 inch heels and red lips.  But I suppose thats how the views of the world of men and women work. They are the hunters, the smart ones, the most successful and us, we cook, we clean, we bear children, and thats the issue.  The issue is that they (whoever they are, could be man or could be women), see us for nothing more than an object, something to satisfy someone else's vision/needs, we are not given the chance to kill the idea that hey women have a brain that they use as well. "Durer believed that the ideal nude ought to be constructed by taking the face of one body, the breasts of another, the legs of a third, the shoulders of a fourth, the hands of a fifth and so on.” (Ways of Seeing, Berger, Page 62). It proves that even in this day and age we use programs to produce the perfect women, because thats all a woman can be, a perfect physical being, sans intelligence.  As adults we are exposed to so much media, that we can't help but to look to the media for answers.  I know there have been plenty of times that I have looked towards the media for help, even with the simplest things like What dress to wear or Will I ever find love? I learned the hard way that all this media is meant to be a one way street that all leads to one road with one purpose. I am not a robot therefore confirming to these unrealistic ideals just makes one unhappy.

Latina magazine, She is lightened for the cover

The oppositional gaze is a lot like the male gaze except it deals more with race.  It was a way for people to not accept stereotypes of one's race and to critique them and not take them for what the media claims it to be. The oppositional gaze questions how some particular people see a certain race or group, according to bell hooks, the oppositional gaze was used for black women to critique what they saw in the media, and not accept what was being said about them, as I stated above.  According to the article by bell hooks this theory was developed because film and media portrayed Black Women with outlandish stereotypes in any particular way they could. Whether she was a maid or an "angry black women" you saw them.  This concept was a way to challenge that and to challenge others to see it from a different perspective. Besides Black oppositional gazing, I believe that this holds true to many different cultures/ethnicities.  As a Latina woman (Puerto Rican), I've had many stereotypes placed on me by the media.  Just like in many films that portray a Black woman a certain way, they also portray Latinas the same.  We are either viewed as the help (maids in modern times), the mistress, or an immigrant who comes to America for help. It bothers me to say the least because we are forced to play parts that do not show our strengths. They place us in roles that do not decipher who we truly are. I look at myself and say I AM NOT THAT, THAT IS NOT WHO I AM. Yet films and the media portray Latinas as lazy, cannot speak english or are known for having too many kids. Its a stereotype I live with constantly, yet I am none of the above. So what gives? You cannot sit there and tell me that these are the only roles we are talented enough to portray, the only roles we are good for. What makes things worse is that when a particular role calls for a specific type they would prefer to tan a white person's skin to portray the role rather than finding someone who can fit the role, which in reality it isn't hard at all. They want us to be who we are without being who we are, meaning they want us to be Black, PR, or whatever but with "White Characteristics".  It is evident that even in today's culture, with all the sources we have, they will white wash everything. The skin color of many actresses and artists become lighter for magazines.  They will photoshop their body until its unrecognizable. The people in the magazines no longer look like the people in the magazines. This was the main argument of the oppositional gaze, it was taking what was and breaking it down to what it wasn't. "Looking at films with an oppositional gaze, Black women were able to critically assess the cinema's construction of white womanhood, as an object of phallocentric gaze and choose not to identify with either the victim or the perpetrator," (The Oppositional Gaze, bell hooks, page 122). By critically looking at all forms of media, we can truly understand that this isn't how it should be, but what they would like to brainwash to believe.

All in all, these unwritten rules and views that dates back to who knows when, are unrealistic but also frustrating. We try so hard to fit in knowing that it is nearly impossible to do so. It is discouraging to have these ideals forced down our throats. Everyday when we awake, we are smacked in the face with these expectations that no one could meet. These expectations to be perfect mentally, physically and emotionally. I've come to understand these structures in one of the hardest ways possible. I am not like any other so trying to fit in was always difficult. I've been on crazy diets, I've died my hair, spent money on clothing that would go out of style in a month, depressed myself trying to be ideal for everyone else. Its a very exhausting experience and it is why we need to eliminate the tunnel visioned view of how things should be.  None of us are made the same, therefore none of us can be the same or do the same things.  When I was younger I definitely was one of those people who believed that we had to be a certain way to be accepted. I wasn't accepting of myself nor others, it took for me to get exposed to a different side of media for me to change my outlook.  Once I become aware of how to analyze the media, I become more confident in being who I truly am. I learned that I needed to dig deep and see the media for more than what it was.  Everyone's different and we have opinions on different things but until we understand that not everything is meant to be perfect and that more exists to stereotypes and labels, only then will we be able to take a step forward in all of this. Representation is important, not one type of person exists, if not it'd be a boring world.